I have always been intimidated by the term ‘meditate’. I think I have always seen it as a structured, carved out activity that requires intense concentration. It has some kind of mystical and spiritual element to it that requires time and planning. I see the value but have always pictured it as beyond me.
And then this morning I read these words by Nicky Gumbel… “If you know how to worry, you know how to meditate”. I know how to worry!
The Oxford Dictionary defines meditation as: “focus one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for religious or spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation.” But it is also defined as “think deeply about (something), plan mentally; consider” which feels more in line with the Nicky Gumbel quote.
The things we consider and think about, the things we fill our minds with define who we are. The thoughts we have determine how we react in certain situations, the way we treat others and the view we have of the world and where we are going in it.
The reality is we are often meditating: ‘thinking deeply’, ‘considering’. Sometimes we are reinforcing the right kind of thoughts and at other times we catch ourselves taking our thoughts down unhealthy paths.
Are the things you are meditating on, the conversations you are replaying to yourself over and over again healthy ones or are they destructive ones?
Are they taking you in the direction you want to go or down a dark path?
My son is an outstanding golfer. He hits a bad shot. At the moment his first reaction is to say out loud… ‘I am such a bad golfer. I don't know why I even play’ (we have moved beyond the club throwing phase). The best golfers in the world often miss their targets however the internal dialogue is more along the lines of… ‘I am a great golfer who sometimes hits a bad shot’. Meditating on the mistake gets you nowhere. There are so many factors that may have led to that shot not being ideal. Learn from it and move on.
Many of us have a negative interaction with a colleague or a loved one and we jump to conclusions and the negative dialogue starts. We convince ourselves we are not worthy or that they have it in for us. We reinforce it the next time something little happens, and the frame through which the first interaction happened is used to colour the second. And so on.
Perhaps it is not a relationship for you, maybe it is trying something new: and the little voice says - ‘I am not as good as them… I am going to get this wrong for sure’. Or maybe it is breaking an old habit: and the little voice says - ‘I failed last time, there is no way I am going to make this change now’. Or maybe it is how you see other people: you quickly jump to conclusions about them and then hold onto that picture. Or maybe it is hitting your sales target: ‘I missed it last month, I am not a good sales person, I have no hope this month.’ This way of thinking will affect how you walk into the next opportunity and the confidence with which you act.
Here are a few simple things to think about:
Become aware. Often we don't even notice the negative thought patterns as they emerge. Spend time reflecting on what it is you ‘meditate’ on. Journaling can be a helpful way to track it. What is it you are saying to yourself before that meeting? Before you go on stage? Before you catch up with the in-laws?
Say it out loud. Just saying it loud can help us test the validity of what we are saying. First you can do it with no one listening and guess their response. Then perhaps share it with someone and ask them to reflect on the truth of what you are saying. Make sure they are independent. ‘I am no good at presenting’. Really? Have you prepared? Do you know your stuff? How did you go last time you presented?
Change the voice. What does that negative voice in your head sound like? You can have some fun with this idea. Just changing the voice in your head can start the process of disarming the words you keep repeating. Perhaps the voice in your head sounds like an old angry teacher you once had nagging you. Try changing the tone, make it softer, give it an accent or slowly turn down the volume so you can't hear it anymore.
Change the talk track. What are you filling your mind with? Your social media feed might be reinforcing negative thoughts or perhaps it is the negative people around you. Get rid of the negative messages. What is it you want to be meditating on? Write it down, stick it on the wall if you need to and meditate on it.
It turns out we all do meditate. Are the words you are dwelling on giving you life or taking you to an unhelpful place?
Perhaps there is a place for quiet chanting. I CAN do it. I am lovable and loved. This week is going to be a good week. I will close this sale…
