Is your grip too tight?
Dr Gio Valiante has written a great book for golfers on conquering the mental game - Fearless Golf. Many of us can identify with the following downward spiral:
‘The Spiral goes something like this: low self-efficacy results in interpreting physiological change as fear rather than excitement. Fear feeds on itself and triggers the sympathetic nervous system to do two key things detrimental to golf. First, norepinephrine is produced and muscles tense up. Second, capillaries in the hands constrict making golfers lose feeling in their hands such that they grip the club really tightly. Tense muscles and tight hands restrict the golf swing, often producing bad shots. Bad shots decrease self-efficacy and increase fear and the cycle simply repeats and insidiously feeds on itself over and over. And there you have it, a psychological breakdown that produces that dreaded downward spiral. (Fearless Golf: Valiante. Pg 36-37 2005)
I have met a lot of leaders and business owners who have found themselves in the same downward spiral. I have been there myself (on and off the course).
Something does not go quite as planned. Perhaps it is OK the first time. However it happens again and so you step in. Things are moving quickly around you and so it feels like it makes sense to step up to the plate yourself and take control.
Many business owners do this. Perhaps at one point you were good at delegating, but a few missteps by those around you led to you taking back control of more and more parts of the business. Now you find yourself working crazy hours and doing all sorts of things you should not be doing and mistakes have started to creep in. Perhaps not at work but at home. Muscles are tense and the grip is too tight.
Sales leaders do it. The first missed month was able to be explained and the second was accepted, but with your third in doubt you have taken charge. You are getting your team to take you to each meeting, you are micromanaging their days and their meetings and you worry that nothing is changing. The chances are it is changing. Your fear is being transferred to them and they are starting down their own downward spiral. Muscles are tense and the grip is too tight.
Team leaders, parents, coaches, players…. We all do it from time to time.
Having a good grip on things is really important.
Tour professionals will tell you that if 1 is very loose and 10 is super tight, then somewhere between 3 and 6 make sense (Valiante). So if you have actually let things get out of control then getting a grip on things makes sense. But if you are holding on too tight then the chances are things will just get worse.
Action: Grab a blank bit of paper:
Jot down the key areas of your life down the left side.
Draw a scale (1-10) next to each one.
Rank your grip strength using the Tour Pro scale. 3 - 6 is comfortable. 7 - 10 too tight, 1 - 2 too loose.
How did you go?
Here are some suggested next steps:
Recognise where your challenges are. The chances are you have a fairly good idea of the areas that you are holding on just a bit too tightly. Reflect on how you are responding to the things that are currently stressing you out. How is it affecting you mentally, physically and in your relationships with others?
Get feedback from those around you. Not sure this is an issue for you? Ask others. ‘Do you think there are areas I am holding on a bit too tightly?’ If it is an issue the chances are others have noticed as well. Both in your team and outside of it. Perhaps they don't think it is their place to say anything. Create a safe place where people can give you feedback.
Work out the changes you need to make. Take the feedback from those around you and your own reflections and work out a plan to relax the grip as required. Most sports people have a coach to help them work through the changes that have to be made and how to make them.
Get someone to hold you accountable. If you don't have a coach, find someone else to help you stay accountable to the changes you have identified. It could be fronting up to your team, letting them know what you have seen and asking them to hold you accountable to the change. It could be a peer. I have also found my kids are fairly good at holding me accountable as well.
Perhaps your issue is not that you are gripping too tightly but in fact you have almost let go completely. Work through the same steps above.
